Friday, April 17, 2009

Reinventing Food

**Rambling post alert!!! Leave now if you know what's good for you!!!**

Part of the reinvention of myself, and now evidently BS as well, is being mindful of what we put in our bodies. Blah, blah blah, what a crock. Do you believe that? I know I don't even believe it myself, because I have seen the things that somehow magically appear in my pantry.

I didn't put them there, honest. BS. . .oops, King Hippo must have snuck 'em in when I wasn't looking. Yeah, that's it.

Do you ever wonder why people are hesitant to give their dogs junk food or put an off-brand of gasoline in their car, but yet their children will be chowing down on Fruit Loops as "part of a nutritious breakfast"? In what alternate universe does Fruit Loops provide any significant nutrition? See what their reaction would be if you told them, "You're out of dog food? That's okay, just give Fido a bowl of Fruit Loops." They would look at you as if you had snails sprouting from your ears. Don't want to give it to your dog? That's okay, just give it to your kids.

Oh, by the way, here are the ingredients for Fruit Loops (touted by Kellogg's as 'multi-grain') as found on their website:


  1. Saying something is 'multi-grain' is meaningless. Do you hear me, meaningless! Unless it specifically says "whole" in front of it, all it means is they took more than one type of flour and stripped them of every bit of goodness (the bran layer and the germ have all the goodies), and left you with nothing but the starch. Then they threw in a few vitamins to throw you off track. Helllllloooooo! I can get better vitamins from a small plastic bottle and eat a piece of cardboard for all the nutritional value that stuff has.
  2. Partially hydrogenated oils are one of the worst things you can eat. They are even worse than butter, and that's not very far to go. They are a huge contributing factor in elevated blood cholesterol levels and chronic cardiovascular disease, and that's not just my opinion. For a more . . . uh, shall we say . . . one-sided opinion, look here. By the way, this includes Crisco, that staple of American pantries. Except mine, I like the butter ;-)
At least they didn't use high fructose corn syrup, which wreaks havoc with your blood glucose & insulin balance.

I didn't really mean to go on a rant here, but as long as I'm on a roll, I've got another gripe to get off my chest about the Food Network.

I like the Food Network. I like watching the Food Network. I have it on in the background quite frequently. I want to eat all that good-looking stuff. Here's one problem (out of many) with them and a general trend I am seeing a lot of lately.

Everywhere you look these days, something called "artisan" bread is appearing - on store shelves, in restaurants, on the Food Network. The overwhelming majority of it is WHITE BREAD. Just a step up from Wonder Bread people, really. But try to give them a slice of Wonder and they will look at you in scorn. Where did their common sense go? Don't tell me that I'm getting really good bread because it's "artisan" bread, then hand me a piece of white bread.

Wheat flour is a euphemism for white flour to trick you. Fool you. Sneak one in on you. And all the idiot chefs on the Food Network have bought in hook, line & sinker. Except one. They only have one chef (that I can think of) that pays attention to nutrition, and that's Ellie Krieger. Because of this, her shows have been relegated to the very undesirable timeslots of early morning. The rest of them wave their loaves of white "artisan" bread around, trying to one-up each other with flavors/textures/shapes, like a giant dick-waving contest. Whose bread is more "artisan"? Phooey.

wheat flour = white flour = bad
whole wheat flour = good (that word "whole" has to be there)

Please. Read the label. Unless it says "whole" wheat flour, it is nothing. but. white. bread.

The same goes for white rice and pasta. If it ain't brown, it ain't in my kitchen.
(Unless it's dessert, which makes no claim to be good for you. If it's a treat, I'm breaking out the white flour, white sugar, and butter. "Healthy" and "brownies" are incompatible terms, IMHO.)

Lest you think I am being an insufferable snob, this is the way it's supposed to work. Does it always work this way with me? Uh uh. I'm weak, I stumble, I falter, I want a Twinkie!

I won't follow these rules when being served at someone else's house. That would just be rude. Or while dining out, unless I can choose. But not every Italian restaurant has whole wheat pasta, and I do love my spaghetti. You gotta have your limits.

Some of the worst on Food Network for pimping out unhealthy eating habits are (click on their names for more fun reading):

Paula Deen - her favorite ingredients are butter, mayo, sour cream, butter, sour cream, mayo, butter, and butter. And deep frying anything she can get her hands on. And making breakfast sandwiches out of eggs, sausage, cheese, and Krispy Kreme donuts. And some of it looks horrifyingly good.

Sandra Lee - all her food comes from boxes, bags, cans, and various other packaging options. She is in love with sodium & msg-laced seasoning packets. "Pre-" is her favorite term, and preservatives & chemicals are her favorite ingredients. All she cares about is being able to "see" the flavor in whatever sh*t she stirs together. Who cares if it is basically poison? That and ingesting as much booze as possible because "cocktail time is the best time of the day". She is completely serious about this. ~~Shudder~~

Guy Fieri - he likes to deep fry everything, too, and although his food isn't quite as bad as the ones above, I dislike him on principle. I mean, really, when you go out of your way to look and act like a moron, you end up resembling something else entirely (thanks to BuckyKatt for the horse pic. Now it can be linked to another site for more nefarious purposes).

Trust me, the horse's ass is an amazing resemblance. That, and the fact that he usually wears his sunglasses on the back of his head. Dip-wad.

What was the point of all this?

Oh, I remember - reinventing my food. Here's how this is going to work. Like I said, I like to watch the Food Network. I have copied many a tasty-sounding recipe from there and many other sources. So, what I'm gonna do is pick out one each week (maybe more, we'll see) that looks really good, and see if I can't pack more of a nutritional punch by doing a little tweaking. If I have to go on a diet (doncha hate that word), I want to make each cruelly rationed bite count.

Excuse me now while I go take stock of my pantry. I may have to pitch out some things. Or feed it to the animals. Heh.


Sista G said...

OK - my significant lack of proper "textspeak" comprehension leaves me wondering what IMHO is. To me it sounds like you just called your self a HO!

We have been buying two really good cereals in the organic section of the store - Barbara's Shredded Oats (blue box) and Mother's Oat Bran (teal box). They are both tasty - they have whole oats and only a tiny bit of molasses. They are good finger food, too in the evening, instead of cookies or ice cream.

For bread, Pepperidge Farm soft 100% whole wheat is quite yummy. And fresh spinach makes the best salad. And canned chicken or tuna or salmon (all in water) combined with fat free-mayo is tantalizing.

Mrs. Dash Table Blend is the best all-around spice for a dash of flavor in anything. Non-fat flavored yogurts are quite yummy (Food Lion brand not as much), and give you protein and calcium with only 80 calories.

OK, enough Sista G network!

Busty Boomer (until July) said...

ROFL (rolling on floor laughing). That would be IMAHO, I guess.

IMHO means 'in my humble opinion'. If you want to be even more humble, you would stick a 'very' in there and it would become IMVHO.

I have not bought bread made with white flour in years, same goes for white pasta. My favorite is Whole wheat angel hair. For those who are gluten-sensitive, there is brown rice pasta which pretty good.

Overall, I think my problem is more a lack of activity vs poor eating habits, so I end up not burning the calories that go in.

Now I am going to cut the grass with my new mower.

Russ said...

I suggest 70% treadmill, 30% diet. Plus, id f you lift weights, even a little, you actually lose the fat but gain or maintain the weight since muscle weighs more. And peanut butter tastes like crap on anything other than White Bread, as God intended.

Sista G said...

Hey, Russ - peanut butter tastes heavenly on a warm slice of PF Soft 100% WW bread, or even better on a slice of it as toast!!

Russ said...

I'll buy into the toast! I will try the PF soft wheat....always open to new suggestions

Busty Boomer (until July) said...

I just love bringing people together.

Marilyn said...

I like the Sara Lee Soft and Smooth buns made with whole wheat flour. But they can be a bear to find in the stores, as they are never in the same spot twice. What is up with that?

Sista G said...

Grocery stores are all in a conspiracy - they like to mix it up, so you'll rely more on impulse buying the things they want you to!! Sometimes I can't find the bread, either.