Tuesday, June 19, 2012


This one is a bit tricky to write, since I DO NOT,
in any way, want it to sound like I don't want M&M around.
I do.
For the rest of my life.

I spent loads of years griping and complaining that I was lonely, especially after BS went off to college.
Hated it.
I had more "me time" than I knew what to do with, so much that I got sick of myself.
A lot.
There weren't many surprises anymore - I was too much like me.
I usually knew what I was going to do & say, and when I talked to myself,
I would always politely answer back, so the conversation was missing that...oh, I don't know..
that crucial element of...another person!
And I always laughed at my own jokes, even if the sound of my own voice was getting a little boring.
Know what I mean?


It's not that I was looking for romance.
I just wanted a friend to do things with.
A buddy, a pal, maybe with occasional benefits (I didn't just say that. Nope, I didn't),
but no one that was around ALL the time.
Romance meant accountability.
Without it, I could still do what I wanted, eat when I wanted, sleep when I wanted,
and have a bowl of cereal for dinner because I didn't want to cook.
Didn't have to explain myself to anyone.
That kind of freedom was something I didn't want to totally give up.
Sounds like I am contradicting myself, doesn't it?

I have been eating some those words lately, a lot, but dipped in chocolate to make them more delicious.
M&M & I didn't really spend much time "dating" before we became inseparable,
before we decided to cohabit, before we agreed we were in this for the long haul.
And even though I'm not giving him up, he is around all the time.
So much for the whole accountability thing.
So much for the whole "...no one that was around ALL the time" thing.

But as much as I love him, and love him being here, I still need some "me time".
It went from all "me" to "us" pretty quickly.
And he needs "me time" too, but he's not quite as annoying about it as I am.
Luckily, the travel in my job gives me some time to myself,
even though I am not by myself often when I travel.
I usually stay with family, so I am still surrounded.
The "me time" comes during the long drives when I can again have witty reparté with myself.
And on my day off (most weeks I have Fridays off), I can vegetate with myself to my heart's content.

So, did I sound like a whiny baby?
It is getting better.
I am learning how to have a co-pilot instead of flying solo.
I am learning to trust.


(That picture is so sweet I think I need a wad of insulin)

1 comment:

Marilyn said...

I'm so happy for you!